Honestly. Where am I?
For the past year I have watched myself slowly slip away into nothing. Everyone asks me, "what the hell is going on?" and I have no answer. No one would understand even if I explained...
I feel like I have no idea who I am. I'm scared. I tell James all the time that I don't know who I am because he wonders what is going on... he thinks the worse. I guess I can't blame him... I can't articulate to him how I feel so he thinks there is someone else in my life. I keep saying in my head, if only he knew. If only he knew how I felt. I can't even look him in the eyes anymore because I want to collapse and break down and get out all of this confusion about where my life is going... but I can't because I can't even get my mouth to open. I love him. God, i love him. He is my best friend and I can't stand feeling like i'm on the outside looking in wondering why I can't just tell him all this. My body and mind is holding me back... but I love him. He is amazing, he truly is. I've given up on myself and him... not because I want to but because inside myself, i am screaming for help. I'm sad all the time, and I should be happy.
I pray everyday that I will get out of this hole I am in and feel like I am worth something.
For the past year I have watched myself slowly slip away into nothing. Everyone asks me, "what the hell is going on?" and I have no answer. No one would understand even if I explained...
I feel like I have no idea who I am. I'm scared. I tell James all the time that I don't know who I am because he wonders what is going on... he thinks the worse. I guess I can't blame him... I can't articulate to him how I feel so he thinks there is someone else in my life. I keep saying in my head, if only he knew. If only he knew how I felt. I can't even look him in the eyes anymore because I want to collapse and break down and get out all of this confusion about where my life is going... but I can't because I can't even get my mouth to open. I love him. God, i love him. He is my best friend and I can't stand feeling like i'm on the outside looking in wondering why I can't just tell him all this. My body and mind is holding me back... but I love him. He is amazing, he truly is. I've given up on myself and him... not because I want to but because inside myself, i am screaming for help. I'm sad all the time, and I should be happy.
I pray everyday that I will get out of this hole I am in and feel like I am worth something.
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